Friends of a loner

We're three siblings and I was never exactly the lonely kid at home. Yet, I had various imaginary friends who were always with me. I never had one friend, but a group of them and all of them were girls. I never called them by names, I just used to call them and they would listen to me and would agree with me. I used to talk to them, or rather me, in public. This led to endless taunts from everyone, starting from my parents to my siblings. I used to get upset whenever anyone said anything to me, because to my innocent mind, they did exist, and any jibe to me meant that they were insulting them, which was intolerable to me. I used to talk to my friends about it, and they would just listen to me and say exactly the things I wanted them to say. I think having imaginary friends have helped me to a great extent. I was the brilliant one among the three of us. So my studies were never checked by my mom. At times like this, my imaginary friends helped me a lot. They would always come to me whenever I would study. It was as if I were explaining everything I would study to them. This made me learn my lessons faster. This habit of talking to me while studying still persists and still makes me learn my lessons faster. It feels really comfortable to have an understanding and comforting voice in my head when things go wrong.

I think this habit of staying alone with my imaginary friends has obviously brought in certain repercussions in my lifestyle. I have become a loner to the ordinary person, definitely anti-social and have very few 'real' friends. Its not that I have a problem in trusting people. But I just don't feel like going up to different people and talking to them. My head has more than enough friends to accompany me. I love to be alone. Being alone feels so good. Sometimes just to take a break from all the worldly chaos and noise, some time spent alone in silence is a real catharsis. I don't have to talk to anyone, don't have to answer anyone, don't have to face anyone. In the silence, its just me and my imaginary friends. I can speak whatever I want with them, there are no censors screening my words. I don't have to gauge their reactions and speak accordingly. I wish real friends could also be like that. Its not like that with 'real' friends, real people. No matter how close you are with them, speaking your heart out will always have an effect on them, good or bad. And believe me; the anticipation of the result of your words is harassing! There's always a voice in the back of your head pricking your skull, "what have I said?", "Do these words sound too crude?", "What will he think of me?" so on and so forth. So it's best to adjust yourself to some voices in your head, some alter egos, some imaginary friends who don't complain about you. The world may see me to be a loner, they may find my behavior socially unacceptable, but I've got no qualms about it. Enduring a life full of criticisms and complaints, this term of a "loner" doesn't really affect me. Actually it feels really good to have a comforting voice of an alter ego in the back of your head to sail you through trying times like this.